To my darling boys: the power of writing your motherhood story

Hi Subscriber First Name

Tomorrow something deep and personal is going out into the world: a letter I wrote to my boys. It has its own chapter in Stacey Dooley's new motherhood book – Dear Minnie: Conversations with Remarkable Mothers.

My letter is raw, real, and full of love and pain. In it, I share the grief of babyloss and the tidal wave of mum guilt that came for me from the moment they were taken away from me into NICU.

It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever written. I was in tears after writing it and even reading it back gives me a lump in my throat. But it helped me say things I’d never said out loud. Things I hadn't even given myself a moment to acknowledge. Things we don’t talk about as mothers.

Writing helps you process

I've always loved writing and working with authors. I've journaled on and off all my life (and still have some mega-cringe journals from my teenage era – complete with a padlock in case my little brother tried to break in. FYI he's nearly 40 and has shown no interest so far).

In the early days of motherhood, there just wasn't the time, but after the triplets turned 1, every now and then I'd get my thoughts and feelings down on paper. Particularly when I was feeling low. So when I saw a project that involved writing a letter to your children, I thought I'd get a lot out of it.

I wrote from my soul, which is how I'd advise you to do this exercise. Words carry energy and you need to write what you really mean, and how you really felt – not what you think they'd like to hear or what a "perfect mum" would say.

Write your letter

Here's how to get started:

✅ Set a timer for 20 minutes. Take a deep breath. Mentally take yourself back to your pregnancy and remember how you actually felt e.g. in the scans, or perhaps you might want to go back further and share your fertility journey.

✅ Write raw. You are not writing a Hallmark card, you are writing your truth - and that truth matters. All of it. Include the hard bits, the moments when you doubted yourself (we all have them), and the moments when you were scared or tripped up by mum guilt. Maybe even the moments when your mental health took a hit (it happens to so many of us).

✅ Get it all off your chest. Let the words spill out. They don’t need to be perfect or well structured. Hell, they don't even need to make any sense. It doesn’t need to be chronological. They just need to be true.

✅ Sign it. When the timer goes off, sign your name. If you're anything like me you'll probably feel pretty emotional, so give yourself a moment. Acknowledge everything you've come through. Celebrate yourself. Yes you've had challenges, but be proud of yourself mama.

Wanna be my date?

If you fancy a night out (or just need a break from bedtime battles)? On 27th March, there's a live event in London with Stacey. You can find all the details here: https://www.fane.co.uk/stacey-dooley. It would be cool if a bunch of us turned up in the new F*** Mum Guilt T-shirts I'm working on.

Much love 🙏🏽

Leila (and the triplets) xxx